Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize