Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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