Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
