The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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