moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
