just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
