I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
