Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
