fuck your aforementioned shoe
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
