i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
