She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
