Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
