the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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