I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
