I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
