I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I understand Curling. That high.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Every concussion has its silver lining
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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