I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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