Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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