im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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