Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
