We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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