i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
