marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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