batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
