how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
