drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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