You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
