Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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