how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
