I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
