I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
