that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
