I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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