On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
