Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
