i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
