So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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