wake up i wanna do it froggy style
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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