This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
