I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Randomize
