My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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