He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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