u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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