idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize