In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
