Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
