How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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