Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
