He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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