we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
