He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
