Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
