That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
