Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
