Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
