im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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