apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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