Apparently you make a good broom.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
