The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All the doctor said was why
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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