And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
